Wednesday 20 February 2013 by Gary Stanton

Axed soldiers ‘overjoyed’ as Cameron personally guarantees future of Red Arrows

Those at the sharp end of military cutbacks have announced their ‘overwhelming sense of joy’ after PM David Cameron pledged to secure the future of shiny red aeroplanes performing ‘outrageous’ stunts.

The guarantee surrounding the famous RAF display team came just four weeks after The MoD told a further 5,300 military personnel to ‘pack up their troubles in their old kit bags and fuck off down the Job Centre’.

“Maintaining an airborne force that can perform the ‘loop the loop’ is essential if we are to send out the right message to rogue states such as Iran and North Korea,” the PM told us.

Cameron insists the Red Arrows are vital if Britain is to play a key role in securing the airspace over large stretches of the North Wales coastline.

Red Arrows ‘safe’

The PM added “I, like many of my generation, was inspired by the film Top Gun and the ability of Tom Cruise to perform breathtaking aerial gymnastics despite several blows to his confidence.”

“We’ve all seen the incredible G-force these guys have been under.”

“History tells us that you undermine the strength of an airborne acrobatic display team at your peril.”

“I am absolutely convinced that if the Red Arrows had been around during the Second World War, we would have seen off the Luftwaffe and I wouldn’t be speaking to you in German right now.”

Former soldier Simon Williams, who received his redundancy notice after a tour of Helmand province, said.

“It’s such fantastic news. I’m so looking forward to taking the son I’ve hardly seen to watch their death-defying stunts on a rainy afternoon in fucking Anglesey”

“Or I would be if I hadn’t had my legs blown off by an IED.”

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