Tuesday 19 February 2013 by Formelia Alberthine

FIFA goal-line technology to revolutionise excuses for disallowed goals

As FIFA approved goal-line technology for use at the 2014 World Cup, experts predicted a dramatic increase in creative excuses for match officials disallowing perfectly legitimate goals.

FIFA president Sepp Blatter, had previously stated his commitment to bringing in goal-line technology, but only once the necessary excuses for ruling out goals scored by smaller teams had been formulated.

He told reporters at a press conference in Zurich, “This is huge day for the football family across the world.”

“Finally match official excuses will move beyond the traditional ‘I didn’t see it’, which has barely changed since the game was invented.”

“The World Cup in Rio is the beginning of a new era, an era where technology can be manipulated to suit the whims of our multi-million dollar sponsors.”

“This is a new dawn of ‘glitches in the matrix’, ‘hard reboots’ and ‘Yes I tried turning it on and off again’.”

Goal-line technology

Blatter outlined the type of excuses fans from smaller nations unfancied by global betting syndicates should expect to hear from 2014 onwards.

“The colour blind referee failed to see the flashing light on his hand-held device.”

“A system gremlin triggered the referee’s alert, not the ball nestling in the back of the net.”

“Oh, and ‘the goalscorer was English’.”

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