Wednesday 13 February 2013 by Gary Stanton

Lampard regrets appointing John Terry as children’s book ghostwriter

Frank Lampard has appointed Chelsea team-mate and occasional racist John Terry to ghostwrite his series of children’s books, according to reports.

The midfielder, whose contract expires at the end of the season, will pen five books, called Frankie’s Magic Footballing Spit-Roast Party Volumes 1 to 5 , for Aryan children aged five and above.

The stories will follow the adventures of a school boy, Frankie, his white football-loving friends and his pet dog ‘Lebensraum’ as they struggle to come to terms with mass immigration.

Lampard said the stories were “loosely based on friends and team mates”.

Lampard’s children’s books

The 34-year-old will publish his first book, Frankie Versus The Degenerate Slavs, in June, followed by two more this year and another two in 2014.

“I first had the idea of Frankie and his Magic Football when reading stories to my own children,” he said in a statement.

“Sport and reading are two essentials for us at home, so I decided to make up my own football stories and adventures. That’s where John comes in.”

“John really knows his way around the alphabet.”

“In one scene Frankie and Lebensraum are playing football together when a group of black children steal their football. Actually, the black kids was John’s idea. He’s really creative like that,” Lampard told us.

“Frankie then turns to one of the kids and says ‘How dare you steal my football you fucking black cunt,’ but obviously we used asterisks for the swear words cos it’s a kid’s book.”

“Later Frankie notices a CCTV camera and apologises for being a racist. The group then reluctantly make friends and go off to a Travelodge to spit-roast some teenagers.”

“I wanted to edit that bit out, but John said they’re going to learn about this kind of stuff eventually.”

“Obviously Lebensraum has to stay outside cos of the Travelodge’s No Dogs Policy.”

“There’s a moral in there somewhere.”

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