Friday 1 February 2013 by VCG

Vine gives tedious morons new way to bore the shit out of their friends

Twitter’s new video app Vine, which allows users to record and share six-second clips, has generated a huge amount of interest in its first week of operation, mostly amongst morons who mistakenly believe that their lives are interesting.

The app will let the sort of tedious tosspot who constantly shares photos of his children on Facebook, or tweets that he is going to the shops, post a short video clip of their incredibly dull lives.

“This is a really exciting development for morons with access to smart phones.” said technology analyst Mark Baldwin.

“Instead of boring the shit out of their friends with a photo of their lunch they can now take a short video of their lunch and bore the shit out of them with that instead.”

“It has only been in operation for a week but we have already seen a huge rise in the number of very short videos of cats and sleeping babies, and unfortunately we fully expect that trend to continue.”

Vine growing rapidly

Vine will also allow simpletons to use the various different settings on their camera phone in order to give their short clips a more ‘artistic’ feel.

“Sepia videos, monochrome videos, negative videos, we expect to see them all from those morons who think that changing a setting on their phone makes them an artist.” continued Baldwin.

“This could even rival Facebook-owned Instagram in the field of completely pointless shit.”

“And for the more ambitious idiot out there you can even try your hand at stop-motion animation.”

“Although you might have to do this with a dead cat because it can be difficult to convince a live one to do anything in tiny, almost imperceptible movements. You could try something other than a cat, but we don’t expect most people to.”

A six second, black and white video of a Cardiff man taking a shit has already proved immensely popular on the site and has been installed as the early favourite to win the 2013 Turner Prize.

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