Dappy community service to ‘not make music’

author avatar by 11 years ago

N-Dubz ‘star’ Dappy has been found guilt of assault and affray and will serve his community service by releasing no music whatsoever for a 6-month period.

A spokesman for the cack-handed rapper described the sentence as ‘draconian’, despite crowds cheering the announcement outside the court.

The court had been told Dappy sparked a “mob-handed attack” when he spat at Grace Cochran and Serena Burton, but his barrister, QC MC, countered the claim saying saliva was the least offensive thing that has left his mouth in years.

“Dappy believed the nation loved everything that left his mouth, thanks to the press.”

“So he was dismayed to find such rancour on the forecourt of a petrol station.”

“The boy is in a state of shock at the mixed messages being exhibited by the public at large.”

Dappy found guilty

Suggestions that the incident was a publicity stunt much like a video of Tulisa inadequately sucking an anatomical organ, were dismissed.

“He isn’t that intelligent.”

Dappy spoke outside the court of his intention to obey his community service order, before releasing a series of new albums in late 2013.

Witness Simon Williams said, “Yes, that was disappointing to hear – the gathered crows reacted somewhat surprisingly.”

“I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many people begging to be spat on.”