Monday 14 January 2013 by Spacey

Honda and Jessops employees become skivers

Following job losses at Honda and Jessops, hundreds of workers will now be referred to as skivers who have their blinds closed when you set off for work.

The former strivers, who will now enjoy a life consisting of enormous plasma TVs and an endless supply of alcohol, have spoken enthusiastically about the prospect of a new luxurious lifestyle.

Gary Renwick, who worked in a branch of Jessops prior to the company entering administration, said: ” It’s great news!”

“I was reading the other day about how people on benefits are better off than people who are working.

“I’d been thinking about settling down and starting a family, it looks like that could now become a reality.”

New skivers

Honda employee John Mortimer was equally excited about a future of free Mediterranean holidays and jet ski maintenance benefits.

“I’ve heard a lot about Call of Duty, so it’ll be great to pick up the complimentary XBox you get when you sign on,” he said.

“I just feel sorry for the people at Honda who have been told they’ll keep their job.”

The job losses have angered hardworking strivers unfortunate enough to face the prospect of continuing employment.

“You couldn’t make it up!” blasted office worker Tony Burton, ignoring the fact that it’s possible to make things up.

“I’ve just read a story about an unemployed couple with 12 kids who’ve built a fun fair in their back garden.”

“I don’t understand why I go out to work when people on benefits have got it so easy.

“I must be incredibly stupid.”

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