A group of Britain’s least employed are demanding the right to follow in their fathers’ foot stools, and avoid working for generations to come.
But with politicians on all sides hell-bent on wrecking their unique way of life, some fear they may soon have to invest in alarm clocks.
“It’s shameful, one of my kids have already abandoned our culture, and started working in Tesco on Saturdays”, complained Terry Harris.
Maintaining a dignified sway in his blue rabbit onesie, Harris pledged that he wouldn’t watch his youngest children make the same mistakes.
“A lack of education can be a real challenge for them”, he insisted. “The truancy officers are shit-hot these days.”
With his kids picking up bad habits such as ‘counting’, ‘spelling’ and ‘learning a work ethic’, Harris often struggles to get them to watch enough daytime TV.
While a march to Jarrow may seem like a lot of effort, Harris insisted that the time has come for him to try and stand.
“Since the new school term started, I’ve been fetching my own beers from the fridge anyway”, he confessed.
“How much further away can Tyne and Wear be?”
It’s not the first time Harris has avoided menial labour; he managed to miss the birth of all four of his children.
“You need to get kids used to this way of life early, or they’ll end up drifting into employment”, he insisted.
“Sometimes, acting as a dole-model can be a full-time job.”