Celibacy seems to work pretty well for Catholic priests, insists Church of England

author avatar by 10 years ago

The Church of England is to adopt a celibacy rule for gay bishops after insisting that Catholic priests appear to be such well-rounded individuals.

The Church has dropped its prohibition on gay clergy in civil partnerships becoming bishops as long as they abstain from any of that gay sex that everyone keeps on talking about.

A spokesperson for the church explained, “If we look out into the world for bastions of Christianity, you would have to say that Catholic priests are right up there as shining lights and examples to us all in terms of religious leaders.”

“And what separates them from pretty much any other religion? The celibacy rule, that’s what.”

“It seems pretty obvious to us that depriving our bishops of the right to act on their sexual urges with other consenting adults will have absolutely not negative impact whatsoever.”

“Hopefully within a few years we’ll be seeing our bishops revered as highly as Catholic priests across the globe.”

 Church of England introduce celibacy rule

The Vatican has reacted angrily to the news, insisting the plans infringe on their religious intellectual property.

“Celibacy is our thing and they can’t have it,” said a spokesperson.

“Christ, they’ll be abusing impressionable kids in secret before the year is out.”