Manchester United striker Robin Van Persie has been rushed to a hair salon for emergency treatment after suffering what experts have described as ‘severe ruffling’.
Players and supporters looked on in shock as Van Persie’s hair was left looking limp and lifeless after being hit by a ball struck by Swansea defender Ashley Williams.
Fortunately a hairdresser, who was amongst the crowd, was allowed on to the pitch to apply some emergency jojoba and recommend a diet consisting of nuts and essential omega-3 fatty acids.
Both sets of supporters were united in their support for Van Persie’s hair as it received treatment.
“It’s at times like this that you realise how unimportant football can be,” revealed Swansea fan Huw Watson.
“Results pale into insignificance when there’s twenty thousand people praying for a footballer’s hair to show some signs of life.”
Van Persie injured
Speaking in his post-match interview, United boss Sir Alex Ferguson lambasted Swansea defender Ashley Williams, and called for the player to be punished with a lengthy ban.
“Their player has shown a total disregard for hair care,” he insisted.
“If there hadn’t been a hairdresser in the stadium then we could have been talking about something much more serious.”
“We can only hope that Robin’s hair will respond positively to pentapeptides.”
“I would urge clubs to ensure that their physios carry Triple Resist shampoo enriched in Arginine and protein as part of their kit, so that future tragedies can be averted.”