Tuesday 11 December 2012 by Spacey

Loyalist rioters bemoan petrol prices

As unrest continues in Belfast, loyalists have insisted that the price of petrol is impacting upon their ability to carry out violent protests to an acceptable standard.

Many have insisted that protests against Belfast City Council’s decision to fly the union flag at city hall only on certain days, are becoming too expensive.

Rioters claim that petrol is an integral part of voicing their disapproval, and the spiralling fuel costs could see an end to rioting as a visual spectacle.

“I’ve tried looking at alternatives,” said one protester who wished to remain nameless.

“I went to B&Q and I ended buying some synthetic rubber based adhesive.”

“Unfortunately, No More Nails bombs don’t really cause that much damage, although they do slow things down a bit.”

Petrol prices

With reports suggesting that some rioters have been reduced to throwing bricks and stones, protesters have insisted that this doesn’t adequately reflect how comprehensively bothered they are.

“The sight of a stone bouncing harmlessly of a riot shield isn’t going to make the news headlines,” remarked another nameless protester.

“The government need to recognise that burning things is the only way we can get our message across effectively and in an entertaining way.”

Minister for the Cabinet Office Francis Maude was sympathetic to the protesters plight, but insisted that everyone had to tighten their belts in the current economic climate.

“Rioters have to make sacrifices like everyone else,” he insisted.

“Maybe they could use charcoal briquettes and lighter fluid to make some fiery stones.”

“I can’t see what could possibly go wrong.”

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