Sunday 2 December 2012 by Spacey

North Korea develops capability to set up New Age gift shops

After North Korea claimed that it had proven the existence of unicorns, fears have spread throughout the world that they could be on the verge of developing New Age retail capabilities.

North Korea have denied reports they are stockpiling purple tasselled skirts and rune stones and accused South Korea of lacking positive energy.

The developments are likely to increase tensions with North Korea’s neighbours, with South Korea expressing concerns that Pyongyang could be using herbal remedies and crystals to develop holistic missiles.

South Korean officials called the move a “grave provocation” and have urged the international community to act before North Korea starts making ceramic oil burners.

North Korean unicorn

North Korea’s state news agency denied any involvement in New Age practices and insisted that changing its national flag to a unicorn standing next to a rainbow was purely for aesthetic reasons.

It also hit out at accusations by America that it was engaging in sabre-rattling, insisting that the noise was actually wind chimes.

U.N. Secretary General Ban Ki-moon described the latest reports as “extremely worrying”.

“I would urge North Korea to put an immediate stop to the production of astrological birth charts and dreamcatchers,” he said.

“The development of New Age paraphernalia will inevitably involve the production of essential oils.”

“A dark cloud of Patchouli oil hanging over the region is something no-one wants to see, or smell for that matter.”

Supreme leader of North Korea Kim Jong-un was defiant in the face of international condemnation, although reports indicate this was as a result of being dealt the 6 of Wands during a tarot reading.

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