Friday 30 November 2012 by formelia alberthine

Animal Kingdom to legislate against sex with Germans

Subjects of the animal kingdom have unanimously voted in favour of legislation for the immediate prohibition of sexual intercourse with Germans.

The animal parliament’s humanity committee has given its approval to make it an offence for any creature to have sex with Homo Sapien passport holders from the sizeable European nation.

The committee cited their rumoured poor hygiene and lack of a sense of humour as key contributors to the decision.

The kingdom officially legalised Deutschiality (Nazphilia) in 1969, except in instances when the German refused to vacate its pen.

German bestiality

Spokessheep, Diedre May, an outspoken critic of sex with Germans, says it’s a preventative step that should surprise no-one.

“Being owned by a German, in the domestic sense, is bad enough, but bedding down for a spate of poor quality copulation, turns even the hardened stomachs of sheep,” he declared.

“For some, their poor bedside manner and brusque approach to sex might be quite desirable, but not for us sheep.”

“And it has to be said, in the throes of passion, they can’t look you in the eye and have this horrible tendency to scratch.”

Helmut Kraun, a bi-ped from Munich, was disappointed that 99.9% of the contacts contained within his little black book had now ruled themselves out of sexual contention.

“This is a sad day, I can’t tell you how many sheep I’ve had as lovers over the years.”

“No, I mean I really can’t – every time I try to count them I fall asleep.”

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