Thursday 29 November 2012 by Formelia Alberthine

UEFA unveil plan to make Champions League as tedious as Europa League

European football’s governing body Uefa is considering re-structuring the Champions League to make it as tedious as the Europa League by creating a single 64 team European tournament to extend the boredom beyond Thursdays.

Uefa President, Michel Platini, said the unbridled irrelevance of the second tier competition, which hosts 64 of Europe not-so-top teams, had necessitated a re-think.

Speaking in Paris, Platini told a press briefing of his excitement at the prospect of sacrificing sporting entertainment, for a swelling of the body’s coffers.

“Anyone who follows European football closely would tell you that the monotony of the Europa League, with matches against teams you only really hear about after they have abused black players with monkey chants, is unparalleled.”

“So what better way to improve the spectacle that is the Champions League than doubling it to include these places as well?”

Champions League format

Arsenal spokesperson, Daniel Fall, felt the changes were unfair, and geared solely to generating additional revenue for both Uefa, and the hegemony of European footballs superpowers.

“As competition across the biggest leagues in Europe stiffens, the number of glamour clubs failing to qualify increases, like this season, where Arsenal are struggling for example.”

“But doubling it will make the quality much poorer.”

“Wait, what? The top 7 from the Premier League would qualify?”

“Then I’m all for it!”

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