Monday 19 November 2012 by The Whomper

Andre Villas-Boas to launch own tie and blazer badge set

In an attempt to increase his popularity, as well as to open up a secondary revenue river outside of football management, Andre Villas-Boas today announced that he has created a fashion range for the discerning gentlemen.

Reading a prepared statement, he said, “I am delighted to establish AVC Clothing, in association with Burton menswear.”

“Our aim is to transform the aging and slightly racist men’s fashion world into something more dapper and dazzling – to turn the British bulldog into a Portuguese sex panther.”

“AVC stands for the Latin ‘amat victoria curam’ – victory favours care. It’s a motto I hold close to my heart in all aspects of life, from football to clothing, and from women to facial hair.”

A Burton spokeswoman purred, “We originally wanted him to design a sports casual range, but, as Andre rightly pointed out, there’s not an inch of informality about him.”

“Instead, we settled on a ‘stately sports’ style, including blazers, waistcoats, cravats, ties and, of course, Andre’s personally-designed jacket badges, featuring the Greek Titan Atlas carrying a giant football on his back.”

AVB clothing

Spurs players were used to model the outfits, and were widely praised for their ability to stare moodily into the camera, although some, like Scott Parker, appeared to take the ‘sex-panther’ brief too literally.

Villas-Boas also hinted that he was planning to expand ‘Brand-Boas’ further, having been inspired by Roberto Mancini’s prank last Friday to make his very own face masks.

He commented, “My clothes, although stunning, can only do so much.”

“For many of you potato-faced Brits, the best way to impress a real-life woman would be to combine the stately sports style with a 100% biodegradable plastic replica of my sultry features.”

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