Tuesday 13 November 2012 by Waylandsmithy

Newsnight builds on wave of publicity with Wembley Stadium Live Roadshow

The BBC has announced dates for a ‘Newsnight Live! Roadshow’, so viewers can get ‘up close and personal’ with the topical libel show.

Until recently the show was largely unknown to the general public, languishing in a graveyard slot on one of the corporation’s less popular channels.

But after abandoning a tired, old format along with all its fundamental editorial principles, gossip fans have flocked to it like an unnamed actor to a dildo shop.

“I’ll be arriving on stage on a golf cart, powered by tweets about paedophiles”, enthused Jeremy Paxman, wearing a glittering onesy he’s had made especially for the tour.

“Eddie Mair has been waxed and botoxed and is ready to be parachuted in at a moment’s notice, but it’s up to the viewers’ lawyers to decide exactly when that’ll happen.”

Newsnight tour

Kirsty Wark is hoping to woo the crowd without the aid of an interpreter, hosting an interactive quiz on a massive digital display.

“We’ll show you a series of celebrities and a selection of accusers,” explained Wark.

“The crowd can play along, by shouting out ‘slander’ or ‘super injunction’.”

One lucky audience member will win the chance to be libelled themselves, and win a year’s worth of legal fees to sue the production company.

Gavin Esler, wearing an expression that said ‘I’ve shat myself, but I like it’, told his follower on Google+ that it was ‘just a bit of fun’.

“We’ll encourage the entire stadium to single one person out, and imply he’s a paedo.”

“Anyone can play along, using clues someone made up on Facebook. Why not guess which is their car in the car park, and spray ‘nonce’ on the bonnet?”

Profits from the tour will go to victims of abuse, if anyone can be bothered to remember that there actually were some.

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