Friday 9 November 2012

Pope to launch #sinsabsolvedformoney Twitter hashtag

News that Pope Benedict XVI is to join Twitter has been greeted with a Vatican promoted hashtag offering absolution from sin, in return for a Catholic church donation.

The sins #absolvedformony hashtag will embrace the Catholic principle that saying sorry for something and dropping some cash in the collection plate on your way out can see you forgiven for pretty much anything.

A Vatican spokesperson explained, “Going to confession every week can be time-consuming, and those sins quickly build up, so Twitter offers us a useful place of absolve you from the comfort of your sofa.”

“Obviously we’d like to see a donation to the church, but it’s not compulsory – we’re just saying that if you don’t donate that’s probably another sin you should repent for any then you’re in an endless loop of sin and repenting.”

“Who has time for that?”

“And don’t worry about confessing on a public platform, the Pope will be making confession available by DM. For a price.”

Pope on Twitter

Social media consultants have said the Vatican’s move onto the micro-blogging platform should prove an effective monetisation strategy.

Consultant Simon Williams explained, “Right now confession is a costly labour intensive process. The church official has to sit there listening to it all before saying a quick blessing and telling the punter they’re sin-free.”

“What can your average priest get through? Ten, maybe fifteen an hour?”

“Twitter could see that rise to a hundred plus. It will be incredibly efficient, as long as they can prevent the Pope from starting to share Instragrammed photos around Vatican city, obviously.”

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