Friday 9 November 2012 by Spacey

Gay witches in hiding

Following David Cameron’s suggestion that allegations of child sex abuse could turn into a gay witch hunt, many gay witches have gone into hiding for fear of being chased across fields by angry mobs on horseback.

The comments, which he made during an interview with Phillip Schofield on the This Morning programme yesterday, have been widely condemned as a cynical ploy to distract attention away from the Conservative Party and onto witches who like saucery as well as sorcery.

The Gay Witch Network were amongst those quick to condemn Mr Cameron’s comments and call upon him to clarify that paedophilia has nothing to do with someone’s sexuality, or their propensity to go on about positive energy.

“It’s always the gay community that suffers,” said a spokeswitch.

“When they banned fox hunting, they introduced drag hunting.”

“You should try running across a muddy field in a fabulous evening gown and heels.”

Gay Witch Hunt

Nigel Amethyst from also called upon the prime minister to make his position clear.

“No-one had been linking gay witches to the abuse of children from care homes in north Wales until Mr Cameron told them not to,” he said.

“We were getting funny looks long before his comments, but now I can’t even leave my coven.”

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