Friday 26 October 2012

New requirements to insist teachers be at least as bright as pupils

Teacher training changes

Entry tests for people wanting to become teachers will be more rigorous to ensure they have at least the intelligence of a thirteen year-old child, the government announced today.

Teacher trainees in England face tougher tests in English, mathematics and reasoning from next September, raising the very real prospect of teachers being the brightest person in some class rooms.

Critics of the current selection process claim that the emphasis has been placed on a prospective teacher’s ability to perform on parents’ evenings and to avoid lawsuits after beating an insolent child.

Geography teacher Simon Williams explained, “When I joined the profession I was asked if I had a nice suit I could use once a term, and what my views were on classroom violence. Oh, and did I know what a mountain was.”

“I must have said something right as I’m now head of year.”

Teacher training changes

Education Secretary Michael Gove said, “We need the best people possible in our classrooms, and this is the first step towards making that happen.”

“Are we going to pay these people the best rates? Well, no. Of course not.”

“When I say the best possible people, what I mean is the best possible people who haven’t already been poached by the private sector, and who don’t understand the basic economics of wages vs standard of living.”

“Yes. We want the very best candidates from that tiny pool of people.”

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