Thursday 25 October 2012

Donald Trump offers to fund cancer cure in return for Barack Obama lap dance

Donald Trump has insisted Barack Obama is giving Americans cancer all because he won’t take a few minutes to do a sexy dance for him.

Trump has offered to spend millions of pounds curing cancer, but only if the world’s most power man puts on a shiny thong and gyrates in his lap for at least ten minutes.

As Trump explained to people he had paid to sit there for him, “This is the most uncoordinated president we’ve ever had, and this offer is genuine.”

“If he will come to Trump towers and dance for me in my private room I will donate as much money as is needed to cure cancer.”

“America is the greatest country in the world, and its people deserve to know if their President can to that thing where they bend over and look at you from between their own legs.”

“If he refused, you have to ask, what exactly is he hiding and why does he want America to have cancer?”

Donald Trump offer

Political analysts have insisted that the latest demand from Trump has set a new low in the actions of scumbag billionaires.

Simon Williams explained, “I think that if we have learned anything, it’s that Donald Trump has elevated ‘being a total shit’ to an art form.”

“Oh, is there a new series of The Apprentice starting soon? There’s a surprise.”

In a late twist, reports are emerging that Sir Alan Sugar has offered an almost new Amstrad Emailer Plus to George Osborne if he will give him a ‘shout out’ during televised parliamentary business.

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