Wednesday 24 October 2012 by Gary Stanton

Superman quits Daily Planet over phone-hacking scandal

Superman alter ego Clark Kent is resigning from the post of star reporter at the Daily Planet, the Murdoch-owned Metropolis newspaper, over allegations that he hacked into a dead girl’s mobile phone.

The accusations against the American cultural icon are said to be the thin-end of the wedge and date back to the time when disgraced hack, Rebekah Brooks, was the paper’s Chief Editor.

Those close to the superhero say he has become increasingly unhappy with life at the newspaper, especially since the tits on Page 3 were axed to make way for too many “soft” entertainment stories.

Suspicions that Kent’s strong moral compass may have gone awry arose after he told colleagues he had hacked into murder victim Gilly Fowler’s mobile and deleted voicemails in order to ‘totally freak her parents out’.

Kent leaves Daily Planet

“Why am I the only one sounding like a grizzled ink-stained wretch who believes that news should be about fitting up the recently-bereaved parents of a dead schoolgirl?” a disillusioned Kent told us yesterday.

Meanwhile, celebrities have accused The Daily Planet of riding roughshod over their privacy, with ‘Four Weddings’ actor Hugh Grant accusing Kent of using his super-hearing to listen in while he was being sucked off by a prostitute 1000 miles away.

Last night Brooks described the allegations against her and her journalists as monstrous, insisting she was on maternity leave at the time and that The Daily Planet had been stitched up by Superman’s nemesis Lex Luthor, who had been seen hanging round a staff car park.

But Superman fan Simon Williams said, “I feel bitterly disappointed that a man who is able to withstand a nuclear blast and can leap tall building in a single bound cannot maintain the highest standards of journalistic integrity.”

“Being the son of Krypton is one thing, but journalists simply have too much power.”

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