Tuesday 23 October 2012 by Formelia Alberthine

Cameron announces plan to make life in prison as awful as life outside prison

Prime Minister David Cameron has vowed to make prison a deterrent again by ensuring life ‘inside’ is as awful as he’s made it for those of you still scratching around for meagre a living on the ‘outside’.

Cameron believes the debate centred round crime and punishment in the UK has become too ‘black or white’, and is seeking to emphasise that his distaste for criminals should be as apparent as his loathing for the electorate.

In a speech to be received in London, he will state, “When I look around the streets of Britain today, I see the three ‘D’s.”

“Disparity, despondency and disharmony.”

“Of course, these are largely fuelled by my party’s austerity-based policies, but clearly they should be common features of prison life.”

“It’s important that the misery felt by the general public is also felt by the prison population.”

Prison misery

Director of Liberty, Shami Chakrabarti, has urged the prime minister to reassess his plans for meting out further retribution on the criminal fraternity

“Britons are already sick to the back teeth of having to pay for a prisoner’s punishment. There must be a better way?”

“If he really wants to punish them why not give them a mortgage they can’t afford, funded by a job they hate, and make them live with a partner they despise?”

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