‘Oh, that’s what you meant by ‘fixed’ contract’ say Vodafone customers

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With millions of customers receiving a price rise by text message, Vodafone has made it much clearer what they mean by a ‘fixed term contract’.

Until now, professors of English had insisted that ‘fixed’ meant ‘held in place securely’, but they now concede that in certain circumstances it can mean ‘pay up, we want a new yacht’.

Some mobile phone users claim that it wasn’t made clear that their contracts included a ‘fuck you’ clause, because no-one reads small words when they’re given a brand new shiny thing.

But despite knowing they were tied in for a period of up to 24 months, many just assumed that the same applied to the company they’d signed the agreement with.

Vodafone texts price rise

Darren Ainsworth was given 28 days notice that his leg was about to be lifted, a figure similar to the 30 promised in his contract.

But when he read on further he realised the price rise wasn’t so much a courtesy, but a taunt made by gloating directors in very slight need of new Bentleys.

It’s not the first time Vodafone have been accused of hiding morally bankrupt decisions in small print: a letter to the UK treasury was written in 5-point.

And while the price rise includes an increase applied to the bit we all pay for VAT, that shouldn’t trouble their diamond supplier in tax-friendly Luxembourg.

“Times are hard, and you’ve got to feel sorry for us”, said a Vodafone spokesman.

“We’ve not made a profit in Britain for years. At least, that’s what the accountants have told me to say.”