BBC ‘complicit’ in 1980s self-abuse among male Blue Peter viewers

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The BBC has been found to be complicit in hundreds of thousands of self-abuse cases in the mid 1980’s after they put Janet Ellis on television where she could be seen by teenage boys.

Recently uncovered archived documents show the corporation ‘chose to ignore’ the potential harm caused by Ellis’ appearance onscreen, preferring instead to focus on ‘ratings’.

Many early-middle-aged male members of the UK population this morning spotted a potential claim for wilful negligence against the BBC.

As a spokesperson for the group explained, “We weren’t touched by Jimmy Savile, but we were left with no choice but to bash one out while watching Janet Ellis on Blue Peter.”

“I trusted Blue Peter and felt safe letting the program into my living room” said Doug Williams of Tetbury when offered mon  to tell us something we could use in this story.

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“Then Janet Ellis started talking about sticky-backed plastic, and before I knew it I’d spat my custard all over the cat.”

“This self-abuse was systemic, and happened at least a couple of times a week over a three year period before I got a girlfriend.”

BBC self-abuse claims

It had also emerged that for decades, female sidekicks on Doctor Who have caused permanent scarring to literally thousands of men who, whilst watching the program in their early teens, were injured after launching themselves the TV screen.

“If only the BBC had shown more responsibility my clients would never have suffered these terrible injuries and mental scarring” stated solicitor Clarence Simpson.

“The bottled-up frustration could cause a – well, very messy explosion at any time” he told us.

“We shall be suing the BBC over this, make no mistake.”