Thursday 27 September 2012

You can expect your apology in about 23 years, everyone tells Kelvin McKenzie

After Kelvin McKenzie demanded an apology from South Yorkshire Police for giving him an excuse to act like a complete prick after the Hillsborough disaster, everyone told him that apparently these days apologies take 23 years.

Former editor of The Sun, McKenzie insisted that he is owed an apology because he only ever ran sensationalist lies when people gave him the slighted excuse to do so.

He told reporters, “I am a journalist – stop laughing, I am – and it was my job to report our opinions which we felt would sell the most newspapers to people who didn’t flick straight to page 3.”

“South Yorkshire police are entirely to blame for providing me with the tools to turn The Sun into a disgusting rag that scousers wouldn’t even wipe their arses on.”

“I am as much a victim as the 96 who died, if not more so because I’ve had to live with the front page I defended for twenty years. I think you should all start referring to me as the 97th victim.”

McKenzie seeks apology

Experts in media relations have spoken about McKenzie’s demand for an apology, insisting it shows just how massive his bollocks actually are.

Analyst Simon Williams told us, “He must struggle to find trousers, such are the balls on this guy.”

“It takes knackers of immense proportions to run such a Hillsborough story in the first place, but then to insist you only did it because of South Yorkshire Police makes them positively gargantuan.”

“But if he really wants an apology, I strongly suggest he goes back to his time as editor and starts apologising for endless stream of bullshit he published day after day, year after tear.”

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