Thursday 20 September 2012

Nick Clegg mistakes YouTube for Catholic confessional booth

YouTube sensation Nick Clegg has hailed his Internet confession, insisting he’s read the Bible and we’re all now duty bound to forgive him.

The deputy prime minister used a small wooden room behind a purple curtain to film himself atoning for various sins, before uploading it to the popular video sharing site.

The three minute video sees Clegg list the sins for which he is seeking forgiveness, including taking the Lord’s name in vain, lying to the electorate to win votes, and hiding fish paste in the curtain seam in George Osborne’s office.

Clegg told reporters this morning, “I feel much better about it, I really do. It’s like my message went out into the universe and party officials have assured me that forgiveness is coming my way.”

“They can’t say when, and won’t make any direct promises because ‘only idiots do that’ – but salvation definitely coming.”

Nick Clegg YouTube apology

However observers of the video have insisted there is a great deal of difference between absolution from a deity, and a hundred thousand angry comments calling you a ‘lying prick’.

Computer owner Simon Williams told us, “It’s a terrible mistake to assume an apology will lead to forgiveness. Quite how he mistook YouTube for his local church I’ll never know.”

“One is full of zealots desperate to fill your brain with their ridiculous ill-informed opinions, and the other is a website.”

“Plus in the Catholic church you don’t get called a ‘lying degenerate who’ll say anything to avoid getting into trouble’ – well, not unless you’re the priest.”

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