Monday 17 September 2012

Government accidentally includes ‘poor people’ in Badger cull licence

The government today made it legal for farmers to shoot poor people, insisting it was a mere oversight which they will correct just as soon as they have time.

The licence gives farmers permission to shoot up to 70% of poor people in certain designated areas referred to in the licence as ‘Labour strongholds’.

Defra Minister David Heath said: “Our priority has always been to ensure that any culling of poor people is carried out in a safe, humane and effective way.”

“Did I say poor people again? I mean badgers, obviously.”

“But we simply had to had to do something, they’re multiplying in rural areas, a nuisance to landowners and they carry disease – and the badgers aren’t much better.”

Badger cull

The cull has received criticism from people suddenly in the firing line of the nearest angry farmer, with many insisting there is little evidence culling actually works.

As one tory backbencher explained, “All you end up doing is shooting the weaker ones, making the herd stronger.”

“And trust me, no-one wants that. Imagine having a strong highly motivated herd of poor people running about the place – Heaven forbid.”

A Defra spokesperson addressed concerns, telling reporters, “The pilot will be run under strict conditions, and we’ll decide afterwards whether it is effective in controlling the spread of poor people, I mean bovine TB.”

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