Organisers of the London Paralympics have reported a further surge in ticket sales, with previously-unfancied events such as Cellulite Beach Volleyball selling out to eager sports fans.
“We knew Wheelchair Rugby would be popular,” said an official. “But we’ve been bowled over by the demand for the niche events.”
“In particular we seem to have gained a lot of repeat sales to people who attended the main Beach Volleyball and realised that it involved more than staring vacantly at the competitors whilst making predictably suggestive remarks.”
Ian, 42, is a bricklayer who has bought tickets for two sessions. “I went to the beach volleyball in the normal Olympics with my mate Dave, and we couldn’t believe it!” he said. “As well as the girls there was a ball and a net and everything.”
“The sport bit was actually well exciting, although Dave had to leave after the Russian girl bent to adjust her shoe.”
“So we thought we’d get tickets for the special version, even though it clashes with the Babestation ‘100% natural’ TV special that evening.”
Marina, 29, is a Cellulite Beach Volleyball player. She acquired cellulite as part of the normal process of going through life as a human being.
“I hope that this will change attitudes, and encourage people to focus on the sport and not the physique of the athlete,” she said.
Early signs are encouraging. “I think it’s good,” said Sam, who plans to attend. “I mean, previously these people wouldn’t have competed at all; in fact the idea of seeing them in public would have caused disgust in many normal people. In shorts!!!”
“Anyway, if you’ll excuse me, I have to file the women’s column for the Daily Mail.”