Middle-aged men unsure how to control their penis can look forward to a Christmas stocking filled with helpful hints from George Galloway, publishers confirmed today.
Hot on the heels of his clarification of the Julian Assange sexual assault charged, Galloway will now turn his attention to making sure men everywhere understand when it is acceptable to push forward to ‘insertion’.
His publisher explained, “This is a man who pretended to be a cat on national television in order to lick himself in front of a female celebrity – what he doesn’t know about sex isn’t worth knowing.”
“‘Insertion’, as George likes to call it, is something of a minefield – but fortunately George has a surefire approach to ensuring it’s OK.
“Essentially it involves getting a yes at some point in the past. It doesn’t need to be explicit, and who has time to ask permission every single time before putting your penis inside someone?”
George Galloway sexual etiquette
Galloway is also said to have set aside a chapter on Julian Assange, insisting that people who know lots of secrets should be allowed to have sex with anyone they want, as often as they want.
He told reporters, “Look, there’s a potential military crime over here, and a potential sexual assault crime over here. Obviously the second one only exists because of the first, so he has no reason to answer to those sexual assault charges. Anyone can see that.”
The book has also secured a foreward from US Congressman Todd Akin, which reads, “George knows what he’s talking about when it comes to rape, trust me, an expert recognises a fellow expert.”