George Michael fans gratefully acknowledge gift of being sold to

author avatar by 11 years ago

Fans of George Michael have given thanks to the singer for the wonderful gift of being shamelessly sold to in front of a global television audience at the Olympic closing ceremony.

Michael sang a song that no-one has ever heard of as a way of saying ‘thank you’ to all the fans who had wished him well during his recent illness, a gift that has not gone unnoticed among his most loyal supporters.

Superfan Tracey Williams told us, “I’ve been a big fan of George’s since back when we all thought he was a big fan of vaginas.”

“I’ve got signed photos, DVDs, all his albums, ticket stubs from front row seats at his gigs – but I’ve never had him sell to me in front of billions of people, so this goes right to the top of the list. Definitely.”

George Michael’s Olympics sales pitch

Despite criticism from people who aren’t fucking morons, Michael himself defended the move saying, “This single, which is available as part of an EP on iTunes for just £2.99 on 10th August by the way, is a celebration of life, and a message to my fans to say thank you.”

“It’s a gift they can all enjoy on the 10th of August when White Light by George Michael will be available for download at all good online music stores.”

However fan Angela Matthews told us, “It was a wonderful gift, and I look forward to receiving my free copy of the single in the post. Wait, what? I have to buy it – then how is it a fucking gift?”

“Oh he can fuck right off then the soul-selling shill.”