The government have revealed plans for a new crime deterrent that could see convicted criminals serve out their sentences in some of the countries most notorious call centres.
With the prospect of being subjected to the conditions at infamous contact centres such as NTL, British Gas and Thames Water, criminals are already considering a life on the straight and narrow.
“I’ve got friends who have spent time in call centres and it sounds brutal,” said 29 year-old drug dealer Mark Bradshaw.
“A lot of the people that I’ve spoken to about their experiences still bear the mental scars.”
“They go in thinking they can deal with it, but they come out with a haunted look similar to the one Nick Clegg has during Prime Minister’s Questions.”
Criminals in call centres
One former inmate at RBS, who wished to remain anonymous, recalled some of the harrowing experiences that they endured during their six-month ‘stretch’.
Fighting back the tears, he told us, “The verbal abuse I received from the public was relentless.”
“Call after call after call of people shouting at you.”
“I tried to alter the pitch of my voice to make me sound more helpful, but this just seemed to antagonise them further.”
“It really was just a matter of doing whatever you could to get through the day.”
A spokesperson for outsourcing company Capita welcomed the move, and said prisoners could even be handed the chance to become qualified contact centre operators, providing skills such as operating a telephone and reading from a script.
“We are confident that this will really enhance the customer experience.”
“Providing customers with the opportunity to select which category of criminal they speak to will give them extra choice.”
“Press one for drug dealer, two for sex offender, three for homicidal maniac or four for fraudster.”
Some criminals said they would welcome the chance to work for some of the UK’s leading companies.
“If I was serving my time working in a call centre for a bank, I’d give it my all,” said 35 year-old John Reeves, who has five years left to run of his sentence for armed robbery.
“Honour amongst thieves and all that.”