Monday 6 August 2012

School sports funding cuts will make it fairer for other nations, confirms government

As Team GB continues to perform beyond expectation at the Olympics, ministers have confirmed that cuts to school sports funding are necessary to make it fairer on other nations.

Education secretary Michael Gove said his previous decision to cut funding for all 450 school sports partnerships was essential in providing a fairer global sporting environment.

Gove told reporters, “What good does it do to see Team GB winning everything?  We should be looking to compete on a more level playing field with the rest of the world, and we can do that by getting rid of playing fields altogether.”

“But Remember, 50% of our Olympic medalists in Beijing came from independent public schools anyway, and this is only going to affect those children fortunate enough to go to a state school.”

“So we’ll still have a slight advantage, even if we have to rely on the independently wealthy to secure it.”

School sports funding

Budding sportsmen and women have claimed the cuts which will prevent them training, practising and learning new sporting disciplines will probably help the country in the long run.

13 year-old Jake Matthews told us, “I saw on the news a man in a suit telling everyone we’re all in this together, so if that means we can’t have an athletics club after school, I guess that’s fair.”

“But I’m delighted we could find the extra £100m needed for each of the 138 new stealth fighters we’re buying. I mean, how many gold medals are they worth?”

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