Friday 3 August 2012 by Waylandsmithy

Spray-on thick skin ‘could protect Twitter users from pricks’

American scientists have pioneered a spray-on skin, thick enough to protect Twitter users from the vilest of insults.

Available as ‘complete Aerosol’ or a troll-on, the skin provides 48-hour protection from even the toughest of yo’ mammas or racial slurs.

In fact, dermatologists believe that if the product is applied liberally enough, it could fend off idiotic comments about a dead parent.

Doctor Henry Schwartz has tested the product on people who are particularly sensitive, such as those who have friends, or are capable of love.

“Applied once a day at arm’s length and aimed straight in the face, ThickSkin® will seal even the toughest of tear ducts”, claimed Schwartz.

Thick skin

But critics have complained that the invention only tackles the symptoms, without treating the morons at the heart of the problem.

Schwartz has some sympathy for these claims, and hopes to release a new product soon, aimed squarely at the kind of dickheads who get a kick out of causing personal misery.

“They’re virtual empathy glasses that let you see how your behaviour can affect the emotions of others”, explained Schwartz.

“When you’re wearing them, it’s much more fun contacting the police”, he claimed.

“You get a real feel of the dread and regret engulfing the little shits, as they’re arrested.”

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