Wednesday 1 August 2012 by Formelia Alberthine

Liverpool improve West Ham Carroll offer by agreeing to take him back

Liverpool have improved their offer to tempt West Ham into taking British record signing Andy Carroll off their hands for next season by agreeing to take him back at the end of it, according to reports.

In an unusual development, the Merseyside giants have recognised their £35 million man has all the sporting potential of the average clothes horse, thus becoming an ideal fit for manager Sam Allardyce’s footballing philosophy.

A Liverpool spokesman said, “Trying to get rid of Andy Carroll off our books even as a temporary measure is like trying to secure a seat at the Olympics for the 100m – impossible unless you’re willing to lose a shit load of money.”

“It seems the only sure fire way to get someone to take him from us is to promise they can give him back.”

“Of course, if we happen to move stadiums whilst he’s away there’s always a chance he won’t find us.”

Andy Carroll loan move

The England international is said to be unhappy with the proposal, citing the steep uplift in the price of a pint of a lager down South as a serious stumbling block to some serious stumbling.

“Andy’s very disappointed,” said a spokesperson for the player.

“He’s needs assurances that he will not be ripped off like Liverpool were when they bought him.”

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