Government urged to introduce Chugging self-defence legislation

author avatar by 11 years ago

The government has been told that being harassed by charity workers on the street would be perfectly acceptable if it was legal to punch them squarely in the face.

Lord Hodgson said in his review of the sector, that overly aggressive street-based charity fundraising was the bane of many shoppers lives, and that they should be able to take appropriate defensive action.

His report went on, “Nothing makes you think twice about approaching someone on the street like the fear of a swift kick in the balls.”

“I mean, you can use reasonable force if someone breaks into your house and tries to steal from you, why not if they’re doing the same in public armed with a bright shirt and a clipboard.”

“I just think that someone jumping front of you with a fake smile should be treated to a swift blow to the solar plexus region.”

Charity muggers

Charity workers have criticsed the proposals, insisting that all they are trying to do is maximise their bonuses by focussing on those members of the public who look like they might have a few quid or look like an easy mark.

“Just because my job is to extract money from you doesn’t make me a bad person,” said charity worker Simon Williams.

“But not giving me money makes you a bad person – you should remember that.”

“Here, sign this.”