Wednesday 11 July 2012 by Spacey

Angry Lib Dems threaten to withdraw fagging duties

After their plans for House of Lords reform were delayed by Tory backbenchers, furious Liberal Democrats have warned Conservatives that they will have to do their own household chores from now on.

Deputy leader of the Lib Dems Simon Hughes had warned that if the Conservatives failed to deliver on this part of the coalition deal, the Lib Dems would withdraw their commitment to ensuring that Conservative backbenchers were washed, dressed and toileted.

In an email to Liberal Democrat activists, Deputy Prime Minister Nick Clegg said: “When we return in the autumn to vote on this again, we fully expect the Conservatives to deliver this crucial part of the coalition deal.”

“If not then they won’t know where their next cup of tea is coming from.”

Lords reform withdrawn

With relations between the two parties already at breaking point, fears are growing that Tory backbenchers doing things for themselves could prove disastrous.

Senior Conservative ministers have urged the Liberal Democrats to rethink after MP for Wellingborough Peter Bone set fire to himself while attempting to do the washing up.

“It’s not just Peter Bone who is at risk from this,” said a Conservative Party spokesperson.

“Geoffrey Cox is on the brink of dehydration and Geoffrey Clifton-Brown is currently driving up the M6 on a ride-on lawnmower desperately trying to locate his garden.”

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