Tuesday 15 May 2012 by Spacey

McCanns given fresh hope Maddie is alive after Derek Acorah claims she is dead

Psychic derek acorah bullshit

The parents of Madeleine McCann have been given the clearest indication yet that their daughter might be alive after psychic Derek Acorah claimed that his spirit guide told him ‘She’s not on this earth anymore’.

The TV medium is coincidentally promoting an upcoming tour in which he will convince morons that their dead relatives spend the afterlife hanging around small theatres in Grimsby on a Thursday night.

Acorah, 62, revealed that the spirits had urged him to go on tour, so they could pass on messages to their loved ones.

“They said that they wanted me to offer comfort and provide reasonably priced merchandise, such as signed photos and cufflinks, that will be available in the foyer,” he told us.

“They were also insistent that the people they’d left behind wouldn’t feel comfortable with me being a vessel for spirits at no cost, so they told me to set ticket prices at £15 with a £2.50 booking fee.”

Acorah’s spirit guide

The former star of Living TV’s Most Haunted, who has been criticised for only being able to contact spirits with Liverpudlian accents, insisted that the timing of his claims regarding Madeleine McCann have nothing to do with generating interest for his tour.

“It’s ridiculous to suggest that I’m sad enough to use this as a way of promoting my tour that starts at The Playhouse in Portrush on Thursday,” he said.

“The suggestion I’m an insensitive self-publicist, who will say anything to sell tickets is absolutely outrageous.

“If you attend one of my shows for which tickets are still available at venues in Folkestone, Southport and Saffron Walden, you will see that nothing could be further from my mind.

“You could also buy one of my books or DVDs for further evidence,” he added before letting out a groan and fainting.

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