Motorists urged to panic-buy jerry cans

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Government ministers have urged motorists to buy jerry cans if they happen to be passing a fuel storage solution shop, but insisted there was no need to ‘queue desperately before they definitely run out’.

With no end in sight to a strike that hasn’t even started yet, motorists are being encouraged to cram ‘just a few extra gallons’ into their already dangerously bulging fuel tanks.

“But only if you own a car, and still want to use it in the foreseeable future”, soothed Minister for Lemmingry, Francis Maude.

Maude explained why we shouldn’t worry unduly about the country grinding to a halt, and everyone starving to death.

“If everyone buys enough fuel to see them through the next 12 months, I’m sure we can nip this strike in the bud”, he announced.

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“Or you could buy a fuel tanker and drive around in that instead. I’ve got a feeling there’ll be quite a few of them going spare just shortly.”

Jerry can

Motoring organisations are concerned that the rationing of jerry cans could become a real possibility, and urged its members to make alternative arrangements.

“Obviously, we don’t encourage people to store fuel in dozens of pint glasses or carrier bags”, confirmed the AA’s Derek Thompson, “but that granny in Norfolk isn’t going to visit herself.”

For clarification, David Cameron has pointed out that it might be dangerous to fill wheelie-bins with petrol, although the idea hadn’t occurred to anyone until after he mentioned it.

“If we all keep calm there shouldn’t be any shortages, there’s nothing to worry about”, stated the PM.

“But it might be wise to make sure you keep topped up on bread.”