Al Qaeda operative avoids driving ban after using ‘the Tony Pulis defence’

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A member of Al-Qaeda has avoided a 12 month driving ban after claiming that such a ban would leave him unable to complete his ‘sensitive’ work.

Lawyers for Mr al-Zawahiri, whose job sees him travel across Britain on a daily basis, claimed that hiring a chauffeur would not be practical for the Egyptian born fanatic due to the confidential nature of his work.

“His work is high-profile and has directly contributed to the success of his organization.”

“As a result of being in the public eye it has put al-Qaeda on the map. It has led to numerous businesses being blown up.”

“A number of them are totally unafraid of al-Qaeda, and those businesses would not suffer if Mr al-Zawahiri were unable to do his job.”

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Pulis driving defence

Asked why he could not employ a chauffeur, al-Zawahiri responded: “We have a lot of things planned for the summer. If authorities found out, our plans may be thwarted.”

“I have my followers who I trust implicitly, but there are certain aspects of my job that I wouldn’t even discuss with them.”

Allowing Mr. al-Zawahiri to keep his licence, magistrates told him: “You will not be able to use this defence again in any other proceedings in the next three years – but we’ll take any other thoroughly implausible excuses you can come up with into consideration.”