Scotland’s fledgling space programme received a welcome boost this week, after the Daily Express photographed their satellite stuffed full of baby owls.
Scientists in Scotland have created a miniature satellite, ‘UKube-1’, with approximately 1 litre of internal capacity.
That’s large enough to house basic equipment for low-orbit experiments, or a couple of grumpy-looking owls with their feathers all fluffed up.
Engineer Steve Greenland is the brains behind UKube-1, but isn’t sure Britain’s tabloid newspapers fully understand his concept.
“I’d phoned several editors to try and get some interest in Scotland’s Space Programme, and the Express and the Mail both agreed to send someone to take the piss”, explained Greenland.
While the reporters hadn’t expected to find a credible engineering industry, they were determined to make the most of a wasted trip.
“They came with a freelance photographer, his pockets bursting with tiny owls”, said Greenland. “They looked adorable, once they’d been wedged inside the delicate apparatus we’ve slaved over for the past eight years.”
With growing scepticism about the integrity of reporters and journalism in general, papers are turning to replacing facts with baby owls.
“It’s simple really”, explained Jim Smith, the photographer behind the latest ‘coop scoop’.
“You just stick them inside something using duck tape, then poke them until they’re livid.”
Smith believes owls could be key to reporting real news stories in future. He’s used them to cover stories ranging from the closure of a post-box in Devon during the nesting season, to growing unrest over the sovereignty of the Falklands.
“An owl fits comfortably in the barrel of a warship’s gun, and that’s one way of getting people to at least look at the pictures surrounding complex issues”, Smith declared.
“I’m confident I can eventually use them to raise interest in politics. That’s why I’ve hidden a fistful of baby barn owls in George Osborne’s dispatch box.”