Tuesday 6 March 2012 by Waylandsmithy

Egypt sacks Sphinx for lying about ‘nose job’

The Great Sphinx of Giza is facing a week of being chained up in a shed, after it lied about a having a nose-job.

The 4,500 year-old monument has had a long battle with the signs of ageing, in a world with an ever-changing perception of beauty.

“When I was hewn from the rocks that were born of the desert, I used to be considered quite a catch”, claimed the lion-bodied old crone.

“But recently, some tourists have wondered whether my massive paws mean I’m a transsexual. And others have complained I look a bit fat.”

Cosmetic surgery banned

With a new government ruling in Egypt that forbids cosmetic surgery, the Sphinx has desperately attempted to renew her appeal without breaking Sharia law.

“I tried a lycra cat suit, but I looked a bit like ‘lioness dressed as cub'”, she complained.

“I was praying for a freak desert storm to give me a sympathetic exfoliation.”

But with the sands of time ever passing, the Sphinx resorted to secret stone-masonry, and blamed her almost non-existent new nose on being shot at by an historic French midget.

“While the Sphinx may be some 2,000 years older than Islam itself, she was a bit naive to assume we were born yesterday”, said a government spokesman.

“We had serious doubts about her story when she claimed to be scared he’d come back, and force to have her tits done at knife point.”

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