Friday 17 February 2012

Ryanair criticised over sale of Martian calendar

Budget misery vendor Ryanair has been criticised over its latest calendar, after customers said it contained dates for the planet Mars, millions of miles from the location they were actually interested in.

The calendar, which published Coordinated Mars Time (MTC) as a cost saving measure to ‘benefit our victims’, lacked any months, and contained far more days than people were expecting.

As customer Sharon Williams told us,”What use is a calendar with 668 solar days on it?”

“It’s not even as if a day is actually a day, it’s about 3% longer on this Ryanair calendar.  And don’t get me started on the Bank Holidays, they’re nowhere to be seen.”

“I was looking forward to an Earth calendar where I could mark all of my family’s birthdays and our holidays, but now I’ve got all these time consuming and expensive calculations before I arrive at my intended result.”

“I might as well have forked out for a full price calendar in the first place.”

Ryanair calendar

Ryanair have defended the calendar, insisting that low-cost calendars providing dates in “sort of” the area you were expecting are what today’s financially astute customers really want.

Chief Executive Micheal O’Leary told reporters, “Seriously, why pay a tenner to know exactly when the Queen’s Jubilee is, if for half that price you can keep track of the Martian year by use of the heliocentric longitude value.”

“And if customers don’t like that, they can always return their calendar for a full refund, subject to a £10 returns fee, obviously.”

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