Thursday 9 February 2012

Capello: “I tripped and fell into resigning”

Fabio Capello last night stood accused of abandoning the ship of English football before the disaster of England playing in Euro 2012 has played out to its natural, grim conclusion.

The Italian, who claimed to have tripped and fallen into resigning, was unrepentant about his decision, and clearly hoped to save his own skin before he became irrevocably associated with the tragic debacle of England playing in the tournament this summer.

FA Executive Fred Michaels said, “Under English footballing law, the manager must be the last to leave, no matter how awful the events on the pitch. To leave whilst the team is still struggling for survival, no matter how unlikely, is pure cowardice.”

Details of a phone conversation have emerged where Capello was ordered back by the FA to play more dire, directionless football until all hope was lost and England were mathematically unable to proceed from the group stages of the competition.

Only then would he be free to take a cushy job as a pundit, glibly pointing out the mistakes of others from a warm studio on dry land.

But Capello refused, despite being clearly off course and the team doomed to go down with all hands on deck.

Capello resigns

Fans were united in their condemnation of Capello. John Richards from London said, “Look at Steve McClaren. Stayed at the helm way beyond the call of duty, soaking and cold, offering what meagre help he could to his doomed comrades.

“Or Graham Taylor. Hit a massive iceberg qualifying for USA 94 but was the epitome of Englishness as he remained in his post even when it became clear they were never going to reach their destination safely.”

“In fact, that was obvious pretty much from when they set off.”

It is said that on some nights Taylor’s tragic voice can still be heard above the wind, vainly shouting, “Can we not knock it?”

FA Executive Charlie Jones concurred, “The old rules still apply. It’s women and Theo Walcott first.”

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