Wednesday 1 February 2012

Goodwin: “I’ll just pay people to keep calling me ‘Sir Fred’”

Disgraced ex-RBS chief Fred Goodwin has reacted to being stripped of his knighthood by saying that he’ll use his massive pay-off and pension to simply pay people to keep calling him ‘Sir Fred’.

“People are really poor these days”, laughed the former banker.  “I reckon I could get everyone I meet every day to call me ‘Sir Fred’ for just £20 a pop.”

“Even if I met loads of people in one day, that’s not even going to put a dent in my enormous tax-payer funded pension.”

“I could get the entire population of Chelmsford to say ‘Good morning, Sir Fred’ all at once, and still have loads of my colossal tax-free payoff left.  In fact, I might do that.”

Closer to home, Goodwin’s cleaner, Fatima Hernandez, said, “I’m going to keep calling him ‘Sir Fred’ anyway.  There’s a terrible recession on and I don’t want to lose my job.”

Goodwin’s gardener, Mike Higgins, agreed.  “I might even start calling him Lord Goodwin.  Who knows – I might get a bonus.”

The ex-bank boss’s scheme didn’t go entirely to plan, however, when he received a chequebook in his new name of ‘Mr F Goodwin’.

He was heard to angrily remark, “Don’t these idiots know how to run a bank?”

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