Friday 27 January 2012 by Spacey

RBS boss bonus causes slight increase in taxpayers tutting

After Royal Bank of Scotland boss Stephen Hester was awarded a £963k bonus, taxpayers who funded the banks £45bn bailout took a few moments out to have a bit of a tut before discussing their plans for the weekend.

The levels of dissatisfaction caused by the hefty payout have led to numerous displays of shortlived contempt by taxpayers such as muttering obscenities under their breath, shaking their head and sighing.

Hester, who insists that he is definitely worth the bonus, has claimed that the rebuilding of RBS is entirely down to his expert guidance, and nothing at all to do with the bailout.

“It’s outrageous that RBS are handing out bonuses of this magnitude when they’re making job cuts and people everywhere are suffering,” said one temporarily disgruntled taxpayer.

“Anyway, I’m putting the kettle on. Fancy a brew?” they added.

Hester bonus

There was also some mild huffing after a Conservative Party spokesman revealed that the government is pleased with the size of the bonus.

“It’s bloody typical of this government!” said a another momentarily distraught taxpayer.

“They go on that we’re all in it together, but when it boils down to it………sorry, what was I talking about again?”

Following the announcement of Mr Hester’s bonus, UK Financial Investments said: “As the largest shareholder in RBS, we have worked closely with the board to ensure that bonuses create a certain amount of anger amongst the public, but not enough for them to get off their fucking arses and do anything about it.”

“The worst we expect is for a few people to go a bit red-faced and headbutt their computer keyboards, but Britain’s Got Talent starts soon, so I’m sure it will all blow over soon enough.”

“Go back to sleep Britain,” he advised.

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