Newt Gingrich to base Presidential platform on ‘sanctity of third marriage’

author avatar by 11 years ago

Newt Gringrich is to base his campaign for the Republican presidential nomination on the platform of American values and the sanctity of third marriages.

After a convincing win in the South Carolina primary, thrice married Gingrich is now keen for American to full embrace his ideals and the principles he stands for at the moment.

Speaking about his platform of the sanctity of third marriages, Gingrich told reporters, “The first is just a test, I think we can all agree on that. You’ve got to give it a go to see if you like it, so the first ones shouldn’t even count to be honest.”

“The second one, well, we’re all allowed one mistake, surely? Nobodies perfect, and neither was I when I cheated on the wife I married after cheating on her with my first wife.”

“Family values are incredibly important to me, and to America – and what better way to form those values than by having a couple of dress rehearsals to really iron out those kinks?”

Newt Gingrich campaign

A number of supporters have backed Gingrich’s stance, insisting that they would almost certainly be faithful to their third wives, too.

Carolina resident Rick Matthews told us, “Look, I’m on my second marriage, and I totally hear what Newt is saying – that third marriage should be for keeps.”

“And to be honest, I can’t wait to meet her because this one is becoming a bit of a drag.”

“Newt has drawn a vision of an America where I get to try a couple of wives out before picking a permanent one, and I simply cannot think of anything more American than that.”