Tuesday 17 January 2012 by Waylandsmithy

Scientist apologises for describing Darwin fossil find as ‘miracle’

A spokesman for the University of London has apologised after a respected palaeontologist described the discovery of Darwin’s fossil collection as ‘a miracle’.

Professor Owling found the sacred items while rooting through a dusty old bone cupboard, and described the moment they revealed themselves unto him.

“I could hardly believe it, I had to cross myself”, exclaimed Owling, “The ancient text on the labels suggested these had been touched by the hand of Darwin. I had discovered the Holy Grail.”

Darwin appears to have cut the fossils into slivers, a task estimated by Owling to have taken about a week, allowing for a rest on Sunday.

“I held a slide up to the light, and was immediately bathed in a beatific, warm glow. A glow that could be repeated, under laboratory conditions.”

“I knew then that I had to dedicate the rest of my afternoon to spreading the word of the maker. Truly, I had been blessed with an excuse to pop out for a bit.”

Darwin’s fossils

The ‘Dead Stuff Slides’ are already the subject of controversy, and church leaders have dismissed the items as a hoax.

“Finding scientific evidence in an old shoe box that just happens to support your beliefs? That’s convenient”, sneered the Bishop of Norris.

“If you ask me, these things are less than 4,000 years old.”

The Bishop believes Owling is being deliberately evasive, and has accused him of shying away from proper religious scrutiny.

“Owling won’t even let us borrow them to pray over for a while, or send them to a specialist in Rome for random-dating.”

“I’ve offered to meet him in a small, wooden room at our facilities, but he’s refusing to confess that this is a controlled test of faith.”

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