‘Of course the cruise ship was off course’ says absolutely everyone

author avatar by 12 years ago

The cruise ship Costs Concordia that ran aground on an island off the Italian coast was probably off-course, according to an initial report by lazy investigators.

At least 6 people died when the Costa Concordia attempted to navigate an island made of rocks, and most people believe the accident could have been avoided by sticking more vigorously to water.

“It’s too early to say for sure, but the captain is probably partly responsible”, revealed a casual observer, “I think in future, ships should at least consider staying more in the sea.”

It’s not the first time the dangers of taking short-cuts across land has led to catastrophe, and some believe a similar peril awaits land-based vehicles that attempt to set sail on the world’s oceans.

“My mum’s Ford Fiesta wasn’t the same after I tried to drive it to Lundy”, confirmed Nick Hodgson, “the coastguard were angry with me, but it wasn’t specifically forbidden in the handbook. But I learned my lesson, and I wrote it down so I’d remember.”

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“I only hope captains of enormous cruise ships learn from this experience, and write it down too. They could jot down ‘blue is best’ on their charts, or something.”

Off course

Costa, the company that owns the cruise ship, has also criticised the captain for going too near to his home island of Giglio.

“We have a policy that prohibits stupid employees from taking work vehicles home with them. But in light of recent events, we might have to stop employing morons altogether.”

Britain’s media has confirmed that all Britons are accounted for, particularly the pretty ones with a promising career in cabaret.