Wednesday 11 January 2012 by KP

Syrian President Assad hires reggae singer Shaggy as PR advisor

Lunatic Syrian dictator President Assad has hired reggae singer Shaggy as his new public relations advisor in an attempt to liven up his increasingly frequent denials.

Following his appointment Mr Assad took to the press stage to answer journalist’s probes into the current state of affairs in Syria.

Spontaneously breaking into Raggaeton verse, the journalists bombarded Mr Assad with a series of questions regarding his campaign of oppression and violence against the peaceful pro democracy protests.

Rebounding each question, Mr Assad hit back in a surprisingly melodic Jamaican rap voice.

Journalist: “But your soldiers shot civilian’s.”

Mr Assad: “It wasn’t me.”

Journalist: “You imprisoned those who spoke up.”

Mr Assad: “It wasn’t me.”

Journalist: “But we caught you on the cameras.”

Mr Assad: “It wasn’t me.”

Assad in further denials

Confused by the increasingly compelling and lyrical denials, journalists shrugged and amended their line of questioning to who was indeed responsible for the civil unrest.

However, Mr Assad looked confusedly to Shaggy who shrugged, and indicated he had never had to take the argument to a deeper level of explanation.

Mr Assad then reverted to tried and tested tactics and blamed the collective West for all evil and problems in the world, insisting it was “Jedward’s fault”

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