After Thierry Henry’s dream comeback for Arsenal last night, and Paul Scholes’ appearance as a substitute for Manchester United at the weekend, Liverpool have announced that former striker Ian Rush is set to come out of retirement to help ease the club’s striking crisis.
With Luis Suarez serving an eight match ban the Anfield side are short of options in attack, but reluctant to spend in the January transfer window after having bad experiences in the past, most notably being duped into buying Andy Carroll for the price of ten Andy Carrolls at this time last season.
“Henry showed last night that he’s still a class act, and Scholes proved that he hasn’t lost any of his ability to give the ball away in his own half during his eight months out of the game, so we thought Rush was worth a gamble.” explained Kenny Dalglish, at a press conference arranged even more hastily than Andy Carroll’s signing.
“Ian’s been out of the game for a few years, but he’s kept himself in pretty good shape, looked after his health, and his moustache is as beautiful as ever – even if it is a little grey now.”
“We’re sure he can do a job, and let’s face it, even at fifty years old he can’t really be worse than Carroll can he?”
Liverpool hunt Rush
Dalglish was quick to play down rumours that Rush would be joined at Anfield by former Manchester United manager and TV pundit Ron Atkinson.
“Ron’s record of using racially abusive language speaks for itself, so I can understand why he’s being linked with us while we’re without Suarez, but I think we’re pretty well covered in that department with the crowd to be honest.”