Friday 6 January 2012 by Waylandsmithy

‘Sat-nav summit’ in tatters as High Street, Newton chosen as venue

A government meeting to discuss the implications of satellite navigation may have to be postponed, after organisers failed to supply a valid postcode.

The meeting was originally scheduled to take place in March, in one of the country’s 55 towns called Newton. Experts believe it is already too late for most politicians to try and find Newton town hall, located on the high street between a charity shop and Tesco Express.

MP John Smith hopes to make it in time to chair the meeting, which was set up to blame anyone but the driver for getting lost.

“I’ve resorted to desperate measures”, declared Smith, as a recovery truck winched his car out of the escalators in Castlehill’s Arndale centre, for the third time.

“I’ve given my wife a 2003 AA road atlas, and I’m going to shout at her until she cries, then we can have a row about me not slowing down enough for her to read the signs. You’d think a grown woman would know her left and right by now.”

“We need to explain to the people that make these systems that it’s not our fault if we type in the wrong name, they should know what I meant”, explained Smith.

“All it needs is a second voice to accompany the nice lady who does the directions: an elderly relative perhaps, who remembers passing through there during the war.”

Sat Nav Summit

Sat nav systems have been blamed for a number of traffic calamities, most of them involving foreign lorries that have got stuck in model villages, or that tried to drive on rivers.

But manufacturers of sat navs claim that local authorities are partly to blame.

Garmin engineer Rolf Herders thinks that allowing parish councils to influence maps is a mistake.

“It’s no coincidence that so many remote coastal communities share their names with distribution facilities in Birmingham.”

“And it’s deliberately misleading to rename a treacherous cliff-top path ‘The M6’ and give it a Staffordshire post code.”

Herder’s comments were not well received. “It’s preposterous to suggest that lorries are being deliberately lured here by pirates”, said Mayor Harris, of the Cornish fishing port of ‘FedEx Logistics Centre’.

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